HRGuru

I don't know about the rest of you, but my boss is very overbearing. I think it is in  his nature, but sometimes it really gets under my skin. He seems to always be in a hurry (one of those who expects things to be done at the exact moment he asks regardless of what else you are doing) and he tends to get "snippy" when he does not want to deal with something. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Dana

He is not a very easy man to approach. He tends to make people feel as though they are reason he acts the way he does. I have a lot of respect for him, but when he gets in his moods, there is no talking to him. I was even scared to let him know that I was applying to work for the state of Kentucky and that I had an interview for fear he would fire me. I talked to his son who is another one of my bosses and his son told him. I am truly in an area where I have no idea what tod o. I have been with this company for about a year and a half, but I cannot seem to break through to him no matter what I do.

Dana

It actually went okay. His son wrote me a beautiful letter of recommendation and he has been nicer since he found out. When I graduated with my degree in Management back in May, he turned into a really sweet guy...for about 3 weeks. He is back to his old self again, but is a little more tactful in his "snippiness"! 

Penny,

Thank you for your advice. Most of what you suggested is things that I already do. The thing that seems to get to me the most is that he will call me and ask me to do something, then call me 5 minutes later and what me to do something else. This is no exaggeration I promise. He has been known to give 5 different projects to do in almost as many minutes. And when he is in the office.... Need I say more!

When he is in the office, I often feel like choking him and asking him if he realizes how much work I already have. He gets rude if I try to coordinate work for the employees with him making me feel as though I am intruding on his time. He will have me write 15 different checks, but this is not the problem. The problem is that we keep 3 different companies in Peachtree. He will ask me to cut 1 check from 1 company and then another from a dfferent company. That still is not the problem. He will have me bouncing back and forth between the accounts because I will cut the first round of checks that he asks for and then he will ask me to cut checks out of the account that I was just in...two or three times before its over!

I really like him and his familuy when it does not pertain to work. But working for him is comparable to working for Hitler! I just honestly do not know how to approach him to talk about this problem without getting my head bit off!

Sounds like he operates in a "stream of consciousness" manner. That can make a person nuts. Depending upon his personality, it may be effective to confront him directly (but respectfully). I had a boss at one time that for about 3 months I thought I would end up in jail because he was similar and if I asked a question he would call me an idiot or tell me I was stupid for having to ask. He had a very short fuse and would blow up and swear and throw things. But we ended up with a fairly amicable working relationship (yes, he still cussed and would occasionally tell me I was stupid, but he knew I would push back if he went too far). Fortunately, he was aware of his faults and got over his extreme moods fairly quickly. He was absolutely one of the most brillant people I ever worked for but not much of an EQ. In the end he ended up being one of my favorite bosses, but I wouldn't wish him on most people. In the end, I guess you have to decide whether you can have this conversation, learn to deal with him, or move on.

Penny

pmiller737 says ...

Sounds like he operates in a "stream of consciousness" manner. That can make a person nuts. Depending upon his personality, it may be effective to confront him directly (but respectfully). I had a boss at one time that for about 3 months I thought I would end up in jail because he was similar and if I asked a question he would call me an idiot or tell me I was stupid for having to ask. He had a very short fuse and would blow up and swear and throw things. But we ended up with a fairly amicable working relationship (yes, he still cussed and would occasionally tell me I was stupid, but he knew I would push back if he went too far). Fortunately, he was aware of his faults and got over his extreme moods fairly quickly. He was absolutely one of the most brillant people I ever worked for but not much of an EQ. In the end he ended up being one of my favorite bosses, but I wouldn't wish him on most people. In the end, I guess you have to decide whether you can have this conversation, learn to deal with him, or move on.

Penny

Thank you for the advice. I am not scared to talk to him about the problem, but I feel that he is going to end up giving himself a heart attack if he does not slow down and stop stressing over things so much. He really is a great guy...when you are not working for him. I guess I just need to stop worrying about how he is going to react and just talk to him about it. Any pointers on how to start the conversation?

Overbearing?  Here's a twist!  Mine is so insecure - it's not funy.  On the personal side - she's a wonderful person to chat with and such but on the professional side, she is so insecure with herself - will not let me assist her in even the smallest of tasks as she is afraid I will show her up.  She may be on target with that fear but I have also said to her that I don't want her job.  I only want to be allowed to take the initiative, take responsibility and alleviate stress for her.  To date, nothing has changed.  Any ideas on something as sensitive as this?

cutie0164 says ...

Overbearing?  Here's a twist!  Mine is so insecure - it's not funy.  On the personal side - she's a wonderful person to chat with and such but on the professional side, she is so insecure with herself - will not let me assist her in even the smallest of tasks as she is afraid I will show her up.  She may be on target with that fear but I have also said to her that I don't want her job.  I only want to be allowed to take the initiative, take responsibility and alleviate stress for her.  To date, nothing has changed.  Any ideas on something as sensitive as this?

Some people would see your reassurance that you don't want their job as verification that you do. Instead of saying that, I would just ask her if there is any way you can help her when it is obvious she is overloaded. It is also important that you be willing to get no credit for your work. If she is insecure, she is not going to promote your capabilities with anyone else. It is important that you are careful to support her in front of others.

For  me, this is a much more difficult personality type to work for than the more forceful and volatile personalities.

Penny

I would have to agree with Penny about it being more difficult to work with an insecure boss than an overbearing or forceful boss. I have worked for both.

Cutie, I honestly don't know what to tell you do or what advice to give if your boss actually has trits of both types of bosses. I am having a very difficult time just dealing with my overbearing boss. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be if he were insecure too. My only advice here is to decide whether or not it is a good idea to discuss these issues with her. She may not even realize that she's doing it just like my boss does not realize how overbearing he is. If you talk to here it could either help or hurt the situation. She may be thankful that you have been honest with her, but she may also decide that you are too much competition for her and find a reason to get you laid off or fired. It is very risky business especially with both traits.

I know that me discussing things with my boss has helped him to realize what it is he was putting all of us through and he trys much harder now to adjust his "moods". He actually appreciates the fact that I was that honest with him and even moreso, that concerned for his well-being.

Thanks to all of you who helped me get the courage together to actually talk to him. I think that the hardest part of all of this was getting the courage to talk to him. Penny, Sarah, and Kathline especially, thank you. But if any of you has more information that may help me keep my cool when his "moods" are not easy to deal with, please share!!!!!!  

I'm glad your situation has a positive outcome, Dana!  I wish mine could be but you are right - I'm in a risky situation.  I have thrown things back at her with the comment that she is the manager and I am not as far as making decisions and such and she hasn't really like this either because it forces her to do the job for which she was hired for and paid to do  - an HR manager.  I'm also a firm believer of what goes around comes around and her turn will come.  In the meantime, I hold my head high, do the best I can do and remain positive.  Although it's hard at times, I refuse to let this situation eat at me until there's nothing left.  I know what my skills and limitations are and I know I have a good home life to help me stay strong. 

Thanks, Dana!

It's hard sometimes as there is no one in my company to really talk to or trust.  Glad this group is a big support!! 

Thanks, Robin!  I'm already active in my job search and like I said before, I refuse to let her attitude, manipulation and such affect me in any way.  I know, deep down inside, that I'm capable of doing her job.  I know this because at my previous employer, I was the manager, assistant and receptionist all at once and I did it successfully.  She struggles to do her job and she's made some serious mistakes.  Unfortunately for me, her boss doesn't see her errors and how it affects the company's employee relations and bottom line.  Right now, all I can do is sit and watch.  I don't give her any information, advice, or opinions when she asks for it.  Instead, I turn it around and ask her what she thinks she should do or how she should handle a situation, etc.  This way, I cannot get blamed for anything she does wrong.  In the meantime, I'm still actively looking and I know that good things comes to those who wait so I'll be patient and continue pursuing my PHR and hold my head high! 

cutie0164 says ...

Thanks, Robin!  I'm already active in my job search and like I said before, I refuse to let her attitude, manipulation and such affect me in any way.  I know, deep down inside, that I'm capable of doing her job.  I know this because at my previous employer, I was the manager, assistant and receptionist all at once and I did it successfully. 

• I know how you feel...I am presently the office manager for one office which houses four different companies. I have to maintain all of the information for all four companies, answer all incoming calls, do the majority of the accounting, and insure that all of the needed bills and taxes are paid and renewed on time. All of this when my boss is a real penny pincher too. There have been several times when I have felt as though I would pull all of my hair out ecause I could not do something important (like payroll) because of 50 other things going on at the same time and phones ringing off of the hook. But I do my job well and feel very rewarded working there. I work for a great group of employers who are all related and have made me feel as though I am part of their family too. Finding a company with that kind of relationship is really hard to do. I really don't want to leave (most days!) but I don't feel that I can ever reach my full potential there. And they support me in finding another job! You all should read the gleaming letter of recommendation that the youngest boss wrote for me! It was amazing!!!


• Good luck with your job search.

Glad you got that letter!  When you hear praise and respect for your efforts, it certainly encourages us to want to do better or perfect what's already at it's best.  Such a letter also strengthens the positive attitude that we must use to get through even the most difficult of times.